Life attacks when you least expect it
If the folks sayings are true, that the wheel of life is always turning, then I hope these days are the bottom.
The last days of December and early days of January felt like a nightmare. The days were hard and the night were full of glooms. Living life was extremely tiring, both mentally and physically. And although people around me were trying to keep me (and each others’, as they were also grieveing) company, I couldn’t help but was feeling alone.
The thing that kept me going day by day during the harsh time was gone, the thing that gave me strength, the only thing that could put a smile on my face when I could only cry and think bad thoughts…I was devastated; I was heartbroken. More than anything in the world.
My vision of the future was dark and dull. I couldn’t even dare to pose an act of hope, for hope to me was a scary thing, for I was afraid to be heartbroken again and to be dismayed again and again by the universe. Maybe hope was like a torch, the thing that supposed to give the little light during my stay in the inpenetrable black dark cave, but instead it burned my hand.. and made me hurt even more.
One morning we were happy and sharing joy, and the next day… oh God, who would have thought.
Indeed, You are the master of the universe. Indeed You knew, you knows, and you will always know what best.
But I am afraid God, I am afraid to feel happy again, to hope again, to curate the future again…
For really, life attacks when you least expect it, doesn’t it?
I wish the wheel of life to start moving again.
